This week's Bible Study - May 17, 2009
Abigail: Living with a Difficult Husband
 Background Scripture:
1 Samuel 25:1-39
Quote of the Week:
“Whatever women do they must do twice as well as men to be thought half as good. Luckily, this is not difficult.”
-- Charlotte Whitten
This lesson is entitled "Living with a Difficult Husband." I can't quite say I'm qualified to speak from personal experience, as I will never have a husband, but I do know all about being a difficult husband. Relationships can be very tricky. Every relationship is entered with some sense of expectation. Expectations may be based on what we learned as we grew up, or what we've seen on TV, or what we've seen in the movies. We get our expectations from a variety of sources.
I was talking to someone at work last week and they had said that they had read some book that talked about someone asking for something over and over for a period of months - and not getting it. It was in the context of a marriage relationship. Over time, you need to realize that if you aren't going to get it, perhaps the expectation is too high. Sometimes, in all of our relationships, we set expectations at a high level - we may expect others to read our minds and then get upset when we don't get what we want. I can speak for many men that know all too well of hearing what is wanted over and over, perhaps, but at times, never having it register. Sometimes, each of us needs to listen more and understand expectations, but sometimes, each of us needs to examine our expectations in a relationship and see if we might be expecting too much.
I'm not saying that all relationships falter because of misunderstood expectations. Some people just seem to have problems for a variety of reasons. Those problems make them difficult to live with. Chances are, you know at least one or two people that fit this mold. They are very difficult to live with, work with or be around. In this lesson, you will learn about a man who is very difficult to live with. Hopefully, you don't relate well to this man!
Samuel, the great man of God who had served David so faithfully had died. In this passage, we see that David moved down to the Desert of Maon. In Maon, we learn of a man named Nabal. He had much property and was very wealthy. He had a thousand goats and three thousand sheep (most of us would have no idea of what to do with such livestock) and his wealth was apparent. We also learn of his wife, named Abigail. The passage describes her as an intelligent and beautiful woman. Nabel, on the other hand was surly and mean in his dealings.
We all probably know of couples that appear to be like this. It would appear that Abigail had a lot going for her and was quite a find for Nabal when he married her. Nabal probably put on some sort of a façade to attract her. Things probably went okay for a while, but over time, perhaps as Nabal became consumed with his wealth, his true colors started shining through. He became surly and mean in his quest for more and more wealth. This isn't a situation that bodes well for a marriage, and problems are sure to present themselves. For whatever reason, these types of opposites often seem to attract today. In one sense, as you read this lesson, you may ask how they ended up together. In another sense, you can probably think of some you know that are in relationships such as this.
Wealth was not the problem that Nabal had. In and of itself, wealth is never a problem. Many people have riches that they use to help others. Many people are rich in their wealth of knowledge, which can be used for many good things. People can be rich in character - rich in who they are. Nabal was indeed rich - but only rich in what he had, and he was all about just watching over his own.
David was likely accustomed to dealing with all types of people as king. He probably expected certain types of responses from those he met. David heard that Nabal was shearing his sheep, so he sent ten young men to greet him, and offer their wishes for long life and good health to him, his household and all that was his. This sounds like a very gracious thing for David to do. David sent the message of how they had treated Nabal's shepherds well and he asked for Nabal to help him and his servants something to help them out.
Nabal's response was not what David would have hoped for. Have you ever tried to treat somebody in the right way, only to receive a total negative response? Nabal questioned who David really was and if these men were really servants, as opposed to run away slaves. He didn't see any reason to give them anything. Just who did David think he was, anyway?
David's men turned around and went back to David. They told him all that had been said, so David was ready to attack. He had his men put on their swords and about four hundred men went to 'have a talk' with Nabal. One of Nabal's servants told Abigail about what had happened. David sent messengers with greetings, but Nabal had hurled insults at them. This servant explained how David and his men were very good to he and the others who had been shepherding. In fact, they had protected them. The servant was wise in seeing that the actions of Nabal were about to bring ruin on him (and all that was his).
Abigail listened to the servant and knew it was true. She had been with Nabal enough to know that this behavior was consistent with the way he had been at other times. She wasted no time in attempting to correct the situation. She prepared many things to take to David and his men, in order to avoid a disastrous confrontation. She had break, wine, sheep, grain, raisins and figs - in large quantity. (In the area where I live, it sounds as if she had just made a "Sam's" run.)
She told her servants to go before her and she would follow. However, she did not tell Nabal. Can you imagine why? What would have happened if she had told this hothead of her plan? He had already insulted David and his men once. Surely, he would not have taken kindly to her going behind his back. If he knew, she was likely in some danger.
As she was riding her donkey into a mountain ravine, she saw David and his men descending towards her. She likely saw 400 men, prepared for battle. She met them and David expressed his anger and frustration. He and his men had not only left Nabal's shepherds alone, but also provided much needed protection for them. They made sure that nothing was missing. Yet, Nabal was repaying that good with evil. He was ready to kill every male servant that belonged to Nabal.
Abigail saw the direness of the situation, so she got off her donkey and bowed before David with her face to the ground. She had to think fast and do something in order to save not only her husband, but all of his men. Abigail told David that he should let the blame fall on her (he wasn't intent on killing the women). She said that he should pay no mind to that wicked man Nabal (meaning fool). She said that she had not seen David's men that had approached Nabal previously, and if she had, she would have helped them out.
She told David that the Lord had kept them from avenging themselves, and because of that, may all of his enemies be like Nabal. She kept praising David and helping him to see how God intended to use him, and to avenge this wrong would have done damage. She asked for forgiveness of her husband, and told David that God would surely be with him. However, if David had on his conscience the staggering burden of needless bloodshed, that would work against him in the end. The Lord intended to bless David and Abigail asked that when that happened, she would be remembered.
David listened to the wise words of Abigail. He was effectively 'counting to ten (or higher)' and through the things that she said, he saw that she was right. He was about to avenge someone who had not done the right thing to him, but in all honesty, Nabal didn't deserve such vengeance from David. Doing that would have weighed heavily on David the rest of his life - and we all know that David already had many other things that weighed heavily on him.
David responded to Abigail that he knew that God has sent her to meet him. Her good judgment had kept him from taking matters into his own hands and causing bloodshed. If she had not come to meet him, he would have followed through and caused the death of all male servants belonging to Nabal. David accepted what she had brought and told her to go home in peace. He had listened to her and he had granted her request.
Abigail went back to Nabal. He was in his own house, holding a banquet fit for a king. He had no idea what tragedy would have befallen him if Abigal had not interceded. He was in high spirits and was very drunk. Being wise, she said nothing of what had happened until the next morning.
When Nabal had sobered up, Abigail told him all that had happened. When he heard, his heart failed him. About ten days later, Nabal died. God's judgment had come upon Nabal, but his men had been spared.
Word got back to David that Nabal had died. David saw that God had acted against Nabal and had kept him from doing wrong. Abigail had interceded and God had judged Nabal's action, and most likely, his entire life. David sent word to Abigal, asking her to become his wife.
Closing
The story really does seem to make sense to us. We can understand the characters and the situation. Chances are that you know somebody like Nabal. Perhaps they don't own a lot of livestock, but they are very wealthy. They seem to care little for the needs of others and don't seem to care that others had helped them out. If you are a Nabal, you need to understand the impact that that type of behavior has on those around you. If you don't change things in your life, you are effectively backing yourself into a corner.
Perhaps you can relate to David. You've done things to help others out, and were flatly refused when you asked for even a little in return. Our natural reaction is to want to get even or make them pay. I doubt you'd get a group of 400 people with swords to go after the person who has wronged you, but probably that idea brings a smile to some of you (us). David was wise in listening to the counsel of Abigail. She convinced him that if he was to take matters in his own hands, he'd regret it. If you feel like someone has done you wrong, please be careful in even wishing evil upon them. We all do things that we regret in our lives, but you don't want to let that weigh on your conscience forever. Listen to wise counsel and seek peace. Let God handle those who have done you wrong.
Perhaps you can relate to Abigail. Many women are much more level headed than men. Of course, this isn't always the case. Abigail was beautiful and wise. Our society seems to reward beauty, and beauty is certainly appreciated. However, a wise woman is much more valuable. Abigail had a very common sense approach to how she handled this situation. In one way, it seemed as if she went around her husband, but she did end up telling him what had happened. Her actions saved many lives.
Women, you have the potential of helping others in ways that men often can't. I know how we, as men, get caught up in the heat of the moment. We end up saying things without thinking about it and digging a hole. It is good to live with emotion, but if you are living unbridled, you are bound to hit self inflicted issues in life. While this lesson is entitled living with a difficult husband, this is a lesson about how we should deal with difficult people. Sometimes, we need to take a step back and not let out emotions get to us. But, at other times, we need to be as Abigail; proactive, making sure that we take the wise course to avert disaster.
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